If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
