feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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