he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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