I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
