I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize