You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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