I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
