I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
