remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
