You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
