So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
