I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
