I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
