I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
