That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
