after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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