Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
