Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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