i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
