Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
