'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
