There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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