I need help removing her.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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