i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
