I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
