is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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