I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
