I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
