So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
