i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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