I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
high people should be assigned attendants
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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