Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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