# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
