I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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