She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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