Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize