so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
vagina is talking i cant
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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