the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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