just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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