I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
