Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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