I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?