Your dad touched me again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
