I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.