I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back