Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today