so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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