Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
