Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
