i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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