I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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