One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
