i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My pussy is not your playground.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Text me some of your sweat
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