dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
