redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
