It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
