It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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