I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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