I want to stick my p in your. b.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
