He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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