I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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