there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
