listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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