did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
