I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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