yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
