Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
