Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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