I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
