I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
