sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
