im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
