I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
