When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
