home. puking in laundry basket.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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